wandering, wondering

My soul song today is a smattering of songs from an artist I recently found, and one that I've always liked:

Safe - Britt Nicole
Have Your Way - Britt Nicole
Feel the Light - Britt Nicole
Crawl - Superchic[k]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today I feel so lost. I feel as if nothing in my life is working out, like I'm running down the wrong path but can't seem to turn myself around. And let me tell you - it's frustrating! I know that I have an incredible hope, and I should be feeling ridiculously happy - the Saviour of the world died for me, and I can live without fear of that judgement day! And I am so very thankful... but I can't shake this feeling of depression. I am living in an apartment (which is great) but it's on the wrong side of everything. Had I been able to see all the things that were going to happen in this last month or so, I don't know that I would have signed that contract.
The plan was, go to the a great university, get Bachelor's in Elementary Education, live in apartment two minutes away, and unfortunately quit my childcare job. In all of about a week, the plan became, go back to community college, get Associates in Early Childhood (and then decide from there whether to continue or not, depending on life situations and $$), keep childcare job, but still live by GV. Which isn't bad, don't get me wrong - but it's 25 minutes away from school and about 35-40 from work. Paying for gas and rent alone, I fear, is going to use up all my money. I honestly don't know right now if I am going to make all the payments I need to make this year. It's really starting to scare me.
I can't be so down about everything though. I do have pretty wonderful people surrounding me, who are always there. I miss my family, and my puppy, but work is 10 minutes away from my house, so I still drop by every once in a while to check up on them. My roommates are great - two friends from high school, and my cousin. They are always cheery, and I get big smiles every time I walk in the door. We have a lot of fun together. Living so close to GV also keeps me a lot closer to my boyfriend, who is amazing. He goes to the university, and we pretty much live two streets apart, which is a great improvement to the last two years, when we were 40 minutes apart and only saw eachother once every two weeks. I was a little worried at first that all the time we would spend together would make the relationship harder, but it has only become better.


~searching soul




lyrics:
http://www.azlyrics.com/b/brittnicole.html
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/superchick/crawlcarrymethrough.html