exhausted

I'm not sure what my soul song is today... I think I'm too tired to think! :) The following are some that sum up what I'm feeling...
Sinner's Plea by Signature Sound
Stand in the Rain by Superchic[k]
It's Been a Long Time by FFH
I Need a Hero by Chris Rice

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So. I basically wish that computers could be charged wirelessly... or just never died.
It is impossible to find a a seat by a plug to charge your computer with after about 8 am downstairs in G2. Ridiculous. So, I am randomly sitting in the hallway of the second floor, because that is the only other place with a plug. Besides the classrooms.

I am tired. Tired tired tired. I wish I could just curl up and fall asleep, but I can't. Not for another 5 days, anyways. I have to wait til this weekend.
I'm not only physically tired, but I feel like my whole being is tired. I'm tired of this everyday weight I seem to carry, tired of getting up every morning feeling tired. ugh. It's exhausting. I hate it when people don't know, can't tell that you're falling apart inside. Especially those who are closest to you. You don't want to be all weak and crying all the time - you have to be strong. But you just wish that people could tell. My boyfriend has noticed... he told me last night that my eyes were sad. He's so sweet. He kept telling me that he wanted to make it go away. I wish he could... That's the only thing about people knowing you're feeling yucky. Typically, they can't really help. He's such a sweetheart... I love him so much. He brightens my day up so much, and even when he can't help, he tries. He's a keeper!

~krickett





for lyrics to the songs:
Sinner's Plea - http://www.lyricstime.com/signature-sound-sinner-s-plea-lyrics.html
Stand in the Rain - http://www.metrolyrics.com/stand-in-the-rain-lyrics-superchick.html
It's Been a Long Time - http://www.lyricstime.com/ffh-it-s-been-a-long-time-lyrics.html
I Need a Hero - http://www.christianlyricsonline.com/artists/chris-rice/i-need-a-hero.html

wandering, wondering

My soul song today is a smattering of songs from an artist I recently found, and one that I've always liked:

Safe - Britt Nicole
Have Your Way - Britt Nicole
Feel the Light - Britt Nicole
Crawl - Superchic[k]

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Today I feel so lost. I feel as if nothing in my life is working out, like I'm running down the wrong path but can't seem to turn myself around. And let me tell you - it's frustrating! I know that I have an incredible hope, and I should be feeling ridiculously happy - the Saviour of the world died for me, and I can live without fear of that judgement day! And I am so very thankful... but I can't shake this feeling of depression. I am living in an apartment (which is great) but it's on the wrong side of everything. Had I been able to see all the things that were going to happen in this last month or so, I don't know that I would have signed that contract.
The plan was, go to the a great university, get Bachelor's in Elementary Education, live in apartment two minutes away, and unfortunately quit my childcare job. In all of about a week, the plan became, go back to community college, get Associates in Early Childhood (and then decide from there whether to continue or not, depending on life situations and $$), keep childcare job, but still live by GV. Which isn't bad, don't get me wrong - but it's 25 minutes away from school and about 35-40 from work. Paying for gas and rent alone, I fear, is going to use up all my money. I honestly don't know right now if I am going to make all the payments I need to make this year. It's really starting to scare me.
I can't be so down about everything though. I do have pretty wonderful people surrounding me, who are always there. I miss my family, and my puppy, but work is 10 minutes away from my house, so I still drop by every once in a while to check up on them. My roommates are great - two friends from high school, and my cousin. They are always cheery, and I get big smiles every time I walk in the door. We have a lot of fun together. Living so close to GV also keeps me a lot closer to my boyfriend, who is amazing. He goes to the university, and we pretty much live two streets apart, which is a great improvement to the last two years, when we were 40 minutes apart and only saw eachother once every two weeks. I was a little worried at first that all the time we would spend together would make the relationship harder, but it has only become better.


~searching soul




lyrics:
http://www.azlyrics.com/b/brittnicole.html
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/superchick/crawlcarrymethrough.html